TALES FROM THE BLOGOSPHERE!

Here at FTB, we're pioneering a new weekly segment to provide you with a roundup of quasi-informative inter-trash from the week past. We've given it an appropriately overwrought title and we hope you enjoy it:

Skywalkers in Korea Cross Han Solo. As the good people at Lawyers, Guns and Money pointed out, someone's been waiting a long time to write that headline. 

Twin gay-porn stars arrested in rooftop burglaries. Bizarrely enough, that's not the most attention-getting aspect of the story. Buried towards the end, the attentive reader finds this graph: While handcuffed in the back of the moving car, Taleon smashed out the rear window by head-butting it, police said. He then dove through the window and its steel frame, causing $1800 in  damage, Kunkel said. After landing on his face, Taleon rose to his feet and, while still handcuffed, fled on foot and into a nearby pond, police said. "He swam across like Flipper, taunting the officers saying, 'You'll never catch me.'" And they didn't. Masters of understatement, the PPD volunteered this statement: "Taleon is a bad, bad dude." 

The obsolete skills wiki is our generation's version of the slide rule lecture. Someday, I will give my children a long demonstration of how to properly load film into a camera. Of course, they'll have 50 megapixel cameras built into their eyes, so, like all good parental lectures, it'll involve a lot of blood and tears. 

WaPo continues its reign of mediocre journalism with this article which sets a pretty high bar for mainstream misogyny, surpassing even the Chris Matthews horizon. Feministing doesn't disappoint with its reaction -- Washington Post: Bitches Ain't Shit.

Xerox gets pissy about Clinton's comments during Thursday's debate. Xerox, or Xerox Corporation (as they prefer to be called), is apparently pissed that their name has become synonymous with with one of the ubiquitous tasks of modern office life. Their desire for proper nomenclature has overwhelmed their love of free advertising. Surely, the end is near.

The Burmese junta  has started bagging on Rambo's saggy he-tits. It's just shy of "you're so fat that when you surround our murderous paramilitary death squads, you surround our murderous paramilitary death squads!" 

In the "old but still good" category, we have the tear-jerking story of Canadian troops routed by 10-foot marijuana plants. Due to the superior "dankitude" of this Afghani ganja, the Canadians were unable to penetrate the forest with thermal sensors. Attempts to burn the plants produced, as might be expected, unfavorable results: a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects, and [we] decided that was probably not the right course of action. "Ill effects" included spontaneous drum circles and harebrained metaphysical debates. 

Obama continues to gather momentum in Texas following his Thursday debate performance, locking up the much-coveted mariachi vote ahead of the primary contests on March 4, 2008. In an environment where politico-musical abominations are like this are commonplace, I don't think I can justifiably get snarky. 

The New York Times reports that more an more Americans are moving away from our most beloved non-sport, the ancient and subtle art of golfing. I, like many Americans, eagerly await the day when the only use for a putter will involve brightly-painted windmills and the potential to earn a free milkshake at the 18th hole.